The Practice of Grace: Extending it to Others and Ourselves
- RD Montgomery
- Jul 2
- 4 min read
When asked about grace, we might say that it is God's undeserved kindness and favor toward us. It's a gift given freely, not something we earn or deserve. While we rightly see God as the ultimate source of grace, the Bible also shows us that grace isn't just something we receive; it's an active way of living that we are meant to show to others, and even to ourselves.
Most of us have experiences in our life in which we could have used a little grace. I recall one that happened to me 20 years ago. I parked in what I thought was a spot next to one reserved for people with disabilities at a hotel. When I returned to my car the next morning, I had two stickers on my windshield with powerful adhesives that were basically calling me a terrible human being for parking in a reserved spot. Initially, I was confused and angry because I thought the person made a mistake. However, when I pulled out and saw that even though the lines were badly faded, I was in error. I felt so bad, but I was also humiliated because I had to drive to a hardware store to get what I needed to remove the stickers. Now whether or not I got what I deserved, I will leave for God to decide. I can tell you that it was a cold, harsh response to something I would never normally do.
Grace in forgiveness and overlooking mistakes
Imagine a world of zero tolerance for mistakes. Would you like to be fired the first time you were a few minutes late for work, harshly reprimanded for accidentally forgetting a minor detail on a shared task, spilling a drink, or poorly worded communication? You need grace to be part a functioning part of society. Since you need grace, you should be willing to give it. This means you should not be easily offended, angered, or willing to dispense your brand of justice, no matter how wrong you think someone is. The Bible says in James 1:20, “for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” If someone needs correction it should be done in love and humility.
Now imagine a world where grace was more abundant and people lived by the wisdom of the Golden Rule: "Do to others what you would have them do to you" (Matthew 7:12). If we as disciples of Christ would do better at giving grace, it would affect the world! We need to have the willingness to forgive quickly, to offer understanding when expectations aren't met, and to patiently bear with each other's imperfections. Just as God's grace covers our multitude of sins, so too does grace in human relationships provide the space for growth, healing, and enduring connection.
Grace in relationships
Every truly thriving relationship, whether it's a working relationship, friendship, or family has an abundance of grace. Without it, minor offenses can fester into deep resentments, and the inevitable challenges of life can easily shatter even strong bonds. Grace acts as the relational glue, allowing love to deepen and trust to flourish even amidst flaws and disagreements.
Grace in love and service to others
If we lack grace when we love and take care of people who have needs, then it always has strings attached. These "strings" can be things like expecting something in return, wanting specific behavior from others, or even seeking personal praise or attention. True, unconditional love, often called agape love and described in 1 Corinthians 13, comes from a place of undeserved favor, mirroring God's own character. Importantly, this love isn't just a feeling; it's a real commitment that we put into action, actively caring for the burdens and needs of other people, no matter how difficult or "messy" things get. Jesus himself taught that an easy love, given only to those who love us back, isn't anything special, because "even the tax collectors do that" (Matthew 5:46-47). When we put conditions on our love or forgiveness, we weaken its power and move away from the example set by Christ, who loved us even when we were still sinners (Romans 5:8). Grace, then, is the very heart of what makes love unconditional and truly life-changing.
Grace for ourselves
Finally, we also need to extend grace to ourselves. This isn't about making excuses for our mistakes or justifying sin. Instead, it's about accepting that we are human and flawed, and embracing the endless nature of God's forgiveness. We need to give ourselves grace, not because we deserve it – since grace, by definition, is undeserved – but because we truly need it. Constantly blaming ourselves, even for past wrongs we've confessed and turned from, can be just as harmful as refusing to forgive others. Philippians 3:13-14 talks about "forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead." This means we need to free ourselves from the weight of past failures and embrace the fresh mercy available to us every day. Giving ourselves grace allows us to move forward in the light of God's forgiveness, helping us to continue receiving His love and better preparing us to share grace with the world around us.
The wrap-up
Grace is much more than just a term we use when talking to people about salvation; it's a powerful way to live that should shape everything we do. It means receiving God's huge kindness and then actively giving grace to those around us. This grace might be immediately forgiving mistakes, how we love each other, and how we try to take care of anyone we see in need.
Scripture used or considered in the writing of "The Practice of Grace: Extending it to Others and Ourselves" by RD Montgomery. All Scripture used is in ESV format unless otherwise specified.
Matthew 5:46-47
Matthew 6:14-15
Matthew 7:12
Matthew 18:21-35
Matthew 25:35-40
Mark 10:45
Luke 17:3-4
John 13:34-35
Romans 3:23-24
Romans 5:8
Romans 12:9-10
1 Corinthians 4:3-4
1 Corinthians 13
2 Corinthians 12:9
Ephesians 2:8-9
Ephesians 4:32
Philippians 2:3-4
Philippians 3:13-14
Colossians 3:13
Titus 2:11-12
Hebrews 4:16
James 1:20
1 John 4:7-8
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