Comparison to Others: Benefits and Pitfalls

There are common expressions like "comparison is the thief of joy" and "free us from the tyranny of comparison." But when you stop and think about it, comparison is a normal part of our education. We see a teacher draw a letter and try to copy it. When we are done, we compare it with what they did and correct as needed. For our beliefs, the Bible tells us to follow and copy Jesus (1 Peter 2:21, 1 John 2:6). Paul encouraged others to follow his example, because he was following Christ's (1 Corinthians 11:1). So, seeing what others do and measuring ourselves against them is a natural part of how we learn and grow.

Unhealthy Comparison

Unhealthy comparison is always a pride issue. It's a powerful force that shifts our focus from God's unique plan for us to a self-centered evaluation. Whether we feel inadequate, superior, or simply "good enough," pride is often lurking beneath the surface, driving these comparisons.

Let's break down how pride plays out in three common scenarios:

1. When We Feel Inadequate (The "I'm Not Good Enough" Trap)

This might seem counter-intuitive, as inadequacy feels like the opposite of pride. However, it often stems from a prideful belief that we have the right to demand that our life resembles someone else's, instead of humbly trusting God's unique plan for us. This is where the struggle begins. When we look at someone else's perceived achievements, spiritual gifts, or even material blessings, and feel a sting of envy or discouragement, it's because our pride believes we should have or be that too. We're essentially saying, "Why aren't I as good as them? Why hasn't God given me what He gave them?" This demanding posture takes our eyes off His unique purpose for us and His grace that is always sufficient. It shifts our focus from humbly relying on Him to a frustrated striving in our own strength, fueled by the conviction that our life should look different.

2. When We Feel Superior (The "I'm Better Than Them" Trap)

This is perhaps the more obvious face of pride. When we compare ourselves and find someone else "lacking," we might secretly (or not so secretly) puff ourselves up. We could think, "I'm doing better than them," or "At least I'm not struggling with that." This is a direct affront to the humility that is essential for a true walk with Christ. It forgets that "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble" (James 4:6). This form of comparison elevates ourselves and can lead to judgment, a lack of compassion, and a false sense of security in our own righteousness, rather than resting in God's grace alone.

3. When We Judge Ourselves as "Good Enough" (The Complacent Trap)

This scenario is less about feeling better or worse than others, and more about finding a comfortable middle ground where we measure ourselves against a perceived average, rather than God's standard. We might compare our actions, service, or spiritual disciplines to those around us and think, "Well, I'm doing about as much as everyone else," or "I'm not perfect, but I'm definitely not as bad as X." This form of comparison fosters complacency and can subtly hinder spiritual growth. It's a prideful self-assessment that relies on human benchmarks instead of continually striving to honor God with all our heart, mind, soul, and strength. It prevents us from seeking deeper transformation and truly living out our full potential in Christ, because we're content with just "good enough" in the eyes of others or ourselves.

Healthy Comparison: Learning and Growing in Christ

While unhealthy comparison stems from pride and can lead to discontentment, there's a way to engage in healthy comparison that can help us move forward in our faith. It's not about measuring ourselves against others to feel better or worse, but about humbly seeking growth and alignment with God's will.

Here are three key points that transform comparison into a beneficial exercise:

1. Choosing Our Examples Wisely

The foundation of healthy comparison lies in being careful who we are comparing ourselves to. Ultimately, Christ is our perfect example and the standard we strive for. Therefore, if we look at someone around us, their life should authentically point to Christ. We do this understanding that they are not perfect examples, but they are trying. These are the people who demonstrate greater maturity as disciples, whose lives reflect godly character, wisdom, and devotion. We're not looking to copy their exact journey, but to observe principles of faith, perseverance, and obedience that can inspire our own walk. It's about recognizing and appreciating the good work God is doing in others, and learning from their experiences.

2. Pursuing Improvement with Humility

Healthy comparison is always done in humility. Our desire for improvement isn't about outshining anyone, or seeking personal glory. Instead, our deepest desire should be to mature as a disciple, fulfill our unique calling, and in all things bring glory to God. This humble posture means we acknowledge that any growth or ability comes from Him. We recognize that God has placed specific gifts and purposes in each of us, and our aim is to steward those well for His kingdom. This kind of comparison isn't about striving for perfection on our own, but about inviting God to shape us more into Christ's likeness for His purposes.

3. Growing from a Mindset of Peace and Cooperation

Finally, when we engage in healthy comparison, we should pursue improvement from a mindset of peace. This means firmly acknowledging that God is at work in our lives, He will do all the heavy lifting, and He has a perfect plan for us. Our part isn't to demand instant transformation or to mimic someone else's life exactly. Instead, our role is to cooperate with His work by diligently engaging in spiritual disciplines like prayer, studying His Word, and serving others. Our desire to grow should not be a frantic demand, nor should it be about copying someone else's specific life blueprint. Rather, it's about discerning how to apply the wisdom and lessons learned from mature disciples to our own unique journey with God, trusting that He is faithfully guiding our steps.

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10

Remember that you are wonderfully and uniquely made (Psalm 139:14) to fulfill a specific role that God has lovingly planned for you. He has given you unique gifts, talents, to fulfill your calling in a way that is specific to you. It is my prayer that we all learn to trust His perfect plan for our lives, finding true peace in His design rather than striving to be someone we're not. May we only use comparison in ways that help us grow and ultimately bring more glory back to God.

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Scripture used or considered in the writing of "Comparison to Others: Benefits and Pitfalls" by RD Montgomery. All Scripture quoted is in ESV format unless otherwise noted.

Joshua 1:8

Psalm 45:1

Psalm 46:10

Psalm 95:6

Psalm 119:105

Psalm 139:14

Proverbs 11:25

Proverbs 14:30

Isaiah 58:6

Habakkuk 2:2

Luke 5:16

Luke 16:10

Luke 18:9-14

Matthew 6:16-18

Matthew 20:28

John 4:24

1 Corinthians 10:12

1 Corinthians 10:31

1 Corinthians 11:1

1 Corinthians 12

2 Corinthians 9:7

Galatians 5:13

Galatians 6:4-5

Ephesians 2:10

Ephesians 5:21

Ephesians 5:25

Philippians 1:6

Philippians 2:3-4

Philippians 4:6-7

Colossians 3:17

1 Thessalonians 5:17

2 Timothy 3:16-17

Hebrews 10:24-25

Hebrews 12:1

Hebrews 12:14

James 1:22

James 3:16

James 4:7

James 5:16

1 Peter 1:15-16

1 Peter 2:21

1 Peter 4:10

1 John 1:7

1 John 1:9

1 John 2:6

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